The IWALLK Essays - 9.1. The Existential Need [Part 1]

I was born in 1968. The decade had been turning darker when I arrived, as racism and the Vietnam War dominated political life, and while art and music were changing culture into something closer to what we might recognize today. Strangely, while the motivations for a revolution in culture have been mostly forgotten, war and racism (for example) are just as present as they were back then; perhaps as they have been...well...for all of history, so far.

We are an odd species, using our insides for trying to understand ourselves from the outside. We study history and supposedly try to learn from it so that we don't repeat it, and then we blithely repeat it. It is less like we are learning from it and more like we are being trained by it. Marshall McLuhan said of this tendency, "We drive into the future using only our rearview mirror." Is there a wonder that there are accidents along the way.

It doesn't help that we literally live in the past, because of the limitations of our material bodies. Our (at least) five senses detect the hypothetically "present" world around us and then send that information via a relatively slow electrochemical signals to be processed in and then acted upon by the brain. Physiologically, we can never BE in the present. Over time we recognize moments in the contexts of their own history, but never in the present. 

Unfortunately, we also have no idea what our human world really looks, sounds, feels, smells, or tastes like either. Our biological sensors have minimum and maximum parameters that fall far short of the spectra involved in fully recognizing the functioning of reality. Other animals are equipped with expanded senses (relative to ours). The best color vision in the animal kingdom is the mantis shrimp...

They are thought to have the most complex eyes in the animal kingdom and have the most complex visual system ever discovered.

Mantis Shrimp - Wikipedia

In fact, the shrimp sees 12-16 distinct colors (we only see three: red, green, and blue and just from these three we are able to distinguish around 10,000,000 colors mixed by these three). More amazingly, each of the mantis shrimp's two eyes can see in 3D by itself! But, does the mantis shrimp use this unbelievably good vision to express itself in beautiful paintings? No. It barely possesses a brain (which is more insect-like). Seems like overkill. Until this last year, the reason for this astounding visual acuity had been a mystery. Only as late as 2019 did scientists finally discover that this complex visual system may be used to store visual memories (like about the physical appearance of kinds of predators), without having to use a large brain. Input information can be stored as such in small organs located in the eye stems before reaching the brain structure, instead of being reinterpreted and stored, as our brains do.

We see only in the white light part of the electromagnetic spectrum, while infrared (heat-light) falls way below and ultraviolet shines above what we can detect by human vision alone. Then there are many magnitudes of electromagnetic waves below and above even the infrared (radio waves, for example) and ultraviolet (gamma rays, for example), that we aren't seeing anyway.

The other thing that is strange to consider is that the "outside world" (outside our brains) arrives at our sensory system as ONE thing. Until it touches this sensory system, that one thing (the entire outside world) isn't split up into visual, sonic, touch, etc... phenomena. Think about that for another moment. There is no purely visual image of anything in existence. However, there is a form to each thing. A non-sighted human can know the form of many objects, even if he can't see them, by touching them. Similarly, or more abstractly, neither a sighted, nor unsighted human can see the wind, but both can feel it through touch. The wind still has form, because of this recognition, even if that form can not be described (easily) by geometry. 

We're still slow though. If we consider only the detection of light - which moves at 299,792,458 meters per second - we might conclude that our sense of vision must be processed most quickly by the brain. But, such is not the case at all.

Firstly, the electrochemical impulses through nerve pathways only travel at about 100 meters per second from the retina to the visual cortex, there, to be processed, or 0.000003% the speed of light! In fact, the brain itself has never seen a single ray of light directly.

Secondly, those (optic) nerves are farther away from the brain than the nerves from our ears (called, vestibulocochlear, or auditory vestibular), which means we process auditory stimuli more quickly than visual, even when light arrives at our head earlier than the sound.

Now, if we combine these with the fact that detecting things in space is a function of time--since it takes time for the light reflected or projected from any object to travel its respective distance to our eyes, no object can be so close to our brain as to appear in the present moment. In this way, we truly do live in a four dimensional place, made up of three space dimensions and one of time. So again, all of this forces us to live in the past. Even our inner voice is not speaking with us in a present moment, since electrochemical, neural passages are required to think and react at all (in normal physiological circumstances).

As physics and quantum mechanics probe further into the forces and particles that move the world around us (as described by the Standard Model), our consciousnesses (individually and collectively) seem to be animating the show--at least the one each of us is participating in...literally, our living days and nights. It is assumed by quantum mechanics that all objects - from the smallest point particle (like that of the neutrino or quark) to the largest known aggregation of matter (like that of the universe itself) - have their own unique quantum waveforms. These waves remain highly distributed throughout the entire universe, in what is called a "superposition," until they are observed. When observed, consciousness collapses superpositional waves into individually recognized objects--large and small. Consciousness (of the human type) makes the existential suddenly experiential.

Here is where my hypotheses about this begins...

Through a very careful study of every possible field, from science to art, the experiential integration of many psychedelic journeys, and the general observation of the way things work--along with a special eye for any anomalies that arise, I have formed an entire metaphysical model that seeks to compartmentalize and combine all known physical and philosophically probable theories and laws. It uses a universal system of reality frames, scaffolding, and other describable forms I have named, Metaphoric Geometry.

The idea of letting geometry describe ideas (and not just objects) is as old as illustrative discussion itself. One may think of the practical utility of using Venn diagrams. Even more fundamental is the use of algebraic symbols to represent abstract mathematical concepts or even very simple logic.

Example: If A = B and B = C, then A = C. Dissimilar terms (A, B, and C) can be called equivalent, or not. Pretty simple! Technical logic also codifies this. This is especially useful in the simplifications of calculus and analytical geometry for describing complex motion (for example). My contribution/expansion to this is not significant. But it is a way I've discovered to express my own existential ideas.

I mention the above work, because I want you to know how carefully I've considered these things. Now let's move to some of the conclusions I've come up with for the "reason" for existence. My expressions below are strictly opinions. I have no supernatural knowledge, no revelations to spread. Each of us forms a "leap of faith" world model that we can grasp and fall back upon when things aren't making sense. We each build this reality model over a scaffolding built up of concepts that don't break down (very often) over a lifetime.

We should recall that (as mentioned above) particles (even if they exist as waves in a superposition) exist in a non-objective, non-temporal, relativistic space-time--each functioning in its own existential reality frame, but all part of one complementary material system that can loosely be called, "the Universe." Similarly, each human being exists in a subjective reality made up of his/her own self-constructed world view, while also being able to share their co-experiences in a collective way. This is deep stuff! There are far too many aspects of this hypothesis to touch upon all of them in this blog entry. All the while though, it is important, rarely discussed and worth dipping our toes into the basics every now and then.

With memes (of the older than FB kind too) we are told that, "You make your own reality." And, there is a ring of truth to that bell. But just exclaiming this is far too general to be of much practical use. If we make our reality, why isn't reality constantly the way we want it to be?

We intuit that we have some kind of profound control over our own personal lives. I would argue that mind control extends beyond our bodies and out to and through the basic space-time matter around each of us. It isn't especially psychokinetic. Still, that kind of controlled force is probably minuscule; perhaps as minuscule as the force of gravity. But pure mental control over matter is there and it does influence our world--as physics has proven with the so-called "double slit experiment."

So why don't we fly through the air or pass through walls under mind power? It is because mind Power [power is work {w} done over time {t}, or P =  delta w / delta t]--our influence over matter, has already been allowed through touching that matter and manipulating it. That ability is a form of mind control. You tell your hand to hold the nail, and the other hand to bang on it with a hammer. To this day, no one has been able to explain the complete process behind the dictates of the brain, moving  body parts.

Bake a pie. Through using completely disparate ingredients you have produced a new organic chemical product that is nothing like any one of its ingredients. Though you did it literally - you touched it in some physical way from beginning to end - it was done in a 100% inner mind space (since, remember, there actually is no "outside").

Send a text message through the air. No, you aren't hand delivering your message. But it isn't magical or mystical that your friend received your communication. Electromagnetic waves sent from your phone are detected and amplified by the nearest cell tower, then relayed variously by a series of fiber optic and/or copper land lines, perhaps combined with satellite signals, etc., to your friend. It is all by physical means. But "physical" is not equal to "material." So, flying and passing through walls is going to require more time to develop technologically. But it will come. My point? Everything that can be done with matter will be done by human beings if we survive long enough, even things that seem "supernatural" (magical, mystical) now.

Nevertheless, I propose that consciousness is a field and is more fundamental that matter. By that, I mean space-time is a purposely limited "place," where time seemingly runs in only one direction. But a "place" doesn't have to be made of matter in order to exist just as significantly as the place you are in right at this second. Remember it's always a little bit in the past--this moment doesn't exist. And so, it is in the delayed reaction between sensing and acting that we MAKE our place.

We can go to places when we sit back and close our eyes. We go places under the influence of psychedelics. I personally have quite a bit of experience intentionally lucid dreaming, and I testify that there are physical places that are not made of regular material. I've dreamt about standing in a room - knowing I was in a dream - and very carefully examining the wall, pushing on it, running my fingers over it. It was THERE. But where was there? It was in a place. Where space may or may not be infinite, the number of places are infinite. And only consciousness can create/co-create some places, because places require limited access to the flow of time. I'm not saying that places exist along a timeline. Not at all! What I'm saying is that although mind can exist in space it is still relatively independent of time. It uses time to create experience.

The mortal mind needs experience in order to become immortal, but not like you think. Being immortal isn't just "living on" it is more like gaining a power, like a superpower (compared to the power material humans have), but everybody gets one. Ha! And that power is to then create (relative to the entire scheme) one's own personal best, for all of the rest of eternity. Eternity is not a linear path, it is a lateral cycle. Eternity is not reached through a series of parallel lines, but rather by wisdom acquirement (knowledge and experience can equal wisdom), and therefore a circuitous series of will-choice events--personalized for each of us.

If there was a Big Bang, it appears to have crystalized all of one certain way that everything in all subsequent history of the resultant material universe could have ever gone. That doesn't negate free human will like some kind of determinism. It is simply a future fact, built up from prior facts, all having origin in an all encompassing potentiality. The Universe we recognize as actual is just a tiny part of that original potentiality.

Someday all that is to happen may somehow join all that has ever happened and that will be our universe's experientially completed state. It began with the darkness before creation and it may evolve with us and our growing mastery over matter, but that really depends on finding our way around the Second Law of Thermodynamics...

[Keep an eye out for Part 2.]

The IWALLK Essays - 8. THC and the Creative Process

Cannabis Edibles, Smoked Flower, Smoked Concentrate, Vaping and the Creative Process

One of the Queens at night, September 2019, SoftAcres, Farmington, Maine

INTRODUCTION

After trying all the ways to get THC into my brain, I think finally found what I like and what works best for my specific goals.

Although I do have physical/psychological issues that can benefit from using THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannibinol)[1], medicating is not my primary reason for writing this report. Let’s get into it and skip a big set-up. I offer the following as a resource for other folks who might identify with it, but not as a general guide. Each person must learn what is best for him/her.

I am a creative worker (a writer, musician, and multimedia artist)—a creator. If I am not able to access my creativity, unsurprisingly, I simply can’t work on creative pursuits. When I say “access my creativity,” I mean three basic things: (A) be motivated enough to work on creative projects, (B) be inspired enough to integrate novel angles into those projects, and (C) be in a mind space that allows the recognition of the apparent sub/superconscious generation of those novel angles. THC is one way to access these things.

I don’t have to be “high” to be creative. Neither do you. However, I will say that your straight parents were wrong when they told you that you were deceiving yourself about being “more creative” when you use marijuana/THC. Typical of the patronization of cultural experts on “drugs,” but who don’t actually have real experience using them, your parents were instead deceiving themselves. But it wasn’t their fault. American culture is finally waking up from its own mass self-deception nightmare. 

A few people (Harry Anslinger in the early years and Nixon in the latter years)[2,3] conspired to lie to the multitudes last century. This foggy-logic and governmental infantilization foisted upon the minds of a public more than willing to believe whatever it was told, by these few people who benefitted financially and politically, caused (and is still causing) some of the most draconian and unjust public policy and destructive law enforcement actions in US history—racial profiling, forfeiture laws, minimum sentencing requirements, and the rise of private prisons comes to mind. 

Anecdotally, I lost my pesky social paranoia (something that dogs many illicit THC users) the very moment marijuana was legalized for recreational use in Maine—by people’s referendum. That’s when I realized it was the cultural fear of being arrested, fined, having a permanent record, mixed with the unjustified social stigma of it all, that makes for “bad trips” with the use of any mind-expanding substance.

In this case I’m discussing THC, but I remember well that unnecessary fear (that paranoid feeling) often accompanied my psychedelic use in the past as well; not a danger of drug use, but rather a fear of the unjust laws surrounding it. 

With all of this in mind though, my desire to use these substances (because of the boost it gives to creativity through the amplification of all three aspects I mentioned earlier) has never wavered, since I was about 15 years old. I always wanted/needed “something more.” The voluntary use of substances as tools on the palette of creativity - THC, in this case - DID NOT result in the addiction I was brainwashed to think it was. Instead, it was a natural and sacred religious right. I know that now. I also know, perhaps in my genetic memory, that our ancestors sought out mind-expanding substances as creative tools, especially whenever I see those most ancient hand prints on the archaic cave walls of prehistory.

Now for the practical observation of what works best for me as a creator…

I have had an enormous amount of experience with smoking weed. I first did it back when I was still going through adolescence. I don’t recommend that children do this. Realistically though, my friends and I were the same kind of small minority percentage of substance seekers in school that has always existed and will always exist in society in general. Whatever that percentage is (maybe, < 20%?), we tried everything from nutmeg in orange juice to smoking baked banana peels. I don’t know if I am on the more edgy side of the mean curve of that group, but I was always attracted to altering my consciousness. 

When I was a kid I saw the affects of alcohol on people (good and bad) and couldn’t wait to experience it! I turned into a substance-experience junky—but NOT a “junky.” Yet, it wasn’t until I sat down at my little multitrack cassette recorder as teenager and began to record music while stoned that I GOT it! It was at the same time that John Lennon had been shot and I was reading about the influence of “drugs” not only on Lennon, but on the Beatles, thence through their music out into society and how profoundly this influenced all the popular AND alternative music we hear today (not to mention many other fields, even science—the helical structure of DNA was discovered by Francis Crick while macrodosing LSD, for example)[4].

Over four decades, I discovered that it wasn’t only music, but ALL of my creative endeavors—even organizing budgets could be improved when re-seen (in the mind-changed state of being on THC) from outside what was assumed to be most efficient. I lost useless habits and biases by seeing them from the outside and realizing their futility. I was able to separate myself from the unconscious loyalty to unquestioned habit. And, it’s benefits went on and on. In fact, it is this “viewing it from the outside” quality that makes creation more visceral. When a composer can step outside of him/her self and listen to music (for example) as would his/her fan or receiver, expression can be maximized to provide more of what the consumers of music are really looking for. As a musician I can pretend I’m not the one performing, and thereby create more objectively.

EDIBLES

I have been fortunate enough to be making my own edibles from plants I grew, dried, cured, and decarboxylated (a simple heating process that turns the plant’s raw, non-psychoactive THCA - tetrahydrocannabinolic acid [5] - into ingestible and orally active THC by removing the carboxyl group). 

Edibles Dosage - I’ve established 50 mg of THC per dose as something I’m comfortable with. As many people know, too much orally ingested THC can be very psychologically uncomfortable. And not enough is a tease, since temporary tolerance can limit the efficacy of taking more until the initial dose is metabolized. It’s a fine line. The nervousness and confusion brought about by overdosing on edible THC kept me from enjoying its benefits for years. Now that I have plenty to experiment with, I am fortunate enough to find my sweet spot. Fifty mg may seem like a lot to some folks (as 10 mg is a suggested starting dose), but I know “hardheads” who can’t even feel 100 mg, and need twice that much just to get an effect. 

Edibles Method - Now that I understand what works for me, I slip about 5 grams of infused coconut oil (at ~10 mg/g THC) into my coffee in the morning—great combination by the way, peek around noon, and a comfortable anti anxiety and elevated mood lasts nearly all day. Without using more, I can easily fall asleep at night. 

Edibles Usefulness - For me, the calming psychological effects provide a foundation for stacking tiny amounts of “micro-smoking” (as opposed to whole pipefuls) of marijuana flower (with/without concentrates added). This is more like vaping, as very little burnt material is inhaled. I have heart disease and can’t - and don’t want to - just “smoke a bowl.” When I’m peeking from edibles and occasionally add whisps of smoke/vapor I can “see” music in my mind. It's normal for me. I witness it flowing by and can distinguish all of its shapes and colors, it’s many dimensions (tone, pitch, volume, effects, harmonies, etc.). In this way, I can see where improvements or creative touches can be added, or (sometimes more importantly) where to whittle things off of it to tighten it up. As a side effect - and as mentioned earlier - I not only hear as one of my listeners might, but also I FEEL its emotions much more strongly and can exploit emotional aspects I wouldn’t have caught without a little mind expansion. Even without smoking - while still ingesting the edible dose of THC - I can do similar things, they just aren’t as pronounced. This combination of edible and vape/smoke is the most insightful way to create music, with exclusively smoking a close second, and exclusively orally ingesting a close third.

Edibles Cons - Again, it is easy to overdo eating THC. I am used to the effects now, but I avoid driving—not because I can’t drive while high, but because driving stresses me out. Why do it if I don’t have to? And, while sometimes not being able to avoid it, people shouldn’t drive like that anyway. Another thing is (and this is perhaps specific to me personally) I sometimes get overly distracted by the mental and emotional effects of music when under the influence of THC in general, and lose my train of thought. In other words, I space out. When that happens, I tell myself that there will be plenty of time to space out after the day’s work is done. I use the enjoyment of simply listening as a reward for recording my own music.

SMOKED FLOWER

Thankfully, I’m also blessed to have a good amount of smokable bud from last summer’s plants. Smoking (and I mean the kind of “micro smoking” mentioned under the “EDIBLES” section above) has always been my favorite method of THC use. It was what I was used to for all the years leading up to these more liberal laws and current vast availability of various other products (like edibles and concentrates). I bought some hash a few times during those dark ages of, “Just say no!” But, I never had a regular source for it. I was always most satisfied with the effects of simply smoking a pipe. However, after two heart attacks and a bypass surgery I just can’t afford to risk having the dirtier parts of smoke in my cardio pulmonary system. Micro-smoking is the compromise I make for still using weed in the way that makes me most satisfied. And, it is very effective when stacked on top of an edible (as I’ve said).

Smoked Flower Dosage - As discussed, I micro-smoke. I am very sensitive to THC anyway. And for some reason the physiological tolerance for orally ingested THC is on a different level. Think of a long curve that stretches over 6-8 hours for a tolerance to edibles. In other words, you would have to wait until a few hours after you are totally sober again to be affected in the same way edibles work by eating more. On the other hand, smoked flower’s curve of tolerance is much shorter (~1-3 hours), peaking immediately (where edibles may take an hour to set in), lasting minutes rather than hours, and then withdrawing when sober for an hour or so. This means you can feel a dose of smoked weed (something in the micrograms range—or, thousandths of a milligram—maybe 500 gamma (?), in my case, keeping in mind that most of what you inhale is then exhaled not attaching to the lungs—that’s a small dose!), derive a peak experience for about 15 minutes and by the time an hour has gone by after the first dose, I’m ready for the next. This is pretty light duty use. But, recall, I am stacking it on top of an edible.

Smoked Flower Method - I smoke out of a small, cheap metal bowled pipe. I pinch out some from the jar and put it on a clean screen, with a fully open draw. Then I light by bringing the flame just to the point where it heats (more-than burns) the material, and ideally doesn’t keep smoldering. I breathe in the whisp very slowly, but exhale immediately, without holding it in. Just one good hit lasts me at least an hour of creative work. 

Smoked Flower Usefulness - For me, it really is about a creative mind space that allows me to see my current project from an alternative perspective. Smoking is the easiest way I’ve found for visualizing music. It can also be good for breaking a non-musical writing block, while providing that alternative perspective. The slow experiential curve of edible THC, means a greater amount of effort is necessary to grab a moment of insight. Eating THC is more like tripping. You don’t get the meaning of the experience until you review it when you're straight again. With smoking while using orally one can take short forays into the deeper end of the pool of the creative process. It feels safer somehow to smoke while on an edible, than taking so much THC orally in order to achieve the same alternative perspective that smoking allows, and thereby, overdosing and having a shitty time. As a visual artist I used to draw while smoking. In my experience, it was more like a recreational activity. By its nature, drawing is a condensation of dynamic, broader strokes that are honed down into a (usually) static final image. But I can also see how a long visual art process, like a painting project that develops of many days, could be very satisfying to smoke flower during.

Smoked Flower Cons - It’s kind of the same very limited bummers with all THC products. The physical danger is minuscule, but the psychological risk is significant if through foolishness or accident you are overwhelmed by the psychoactive experience. Micro-smoking as I do is easy to deal with, but another con, in my case, is that ideally I would like to get the same feeling and insight of smoking without having extra stuff (tars and soot) in my lungs. I am fortunate to have not been very negatively affected by a once heavy tobacco cigarette habit. But my lungs are delicate now, having been partially collapsed recently after surgery. I thought pen vaping could answer that problem, but as we’ll see, it wasn’t.

CONCENTRATES

In this section I refer to “concentrates,” I mean THCA (smokable) concentrates, and am not referring to the decarboxylated THC concentrates used in edibles. I am also not referring to THCA admixed with oil, as with vape pens. I am referring to pressed trichome hash and other extracts (substances with concentrations of THCA of 50-90%, say). In my case, I use pure, mechanically (rather than chemically—although CO2 extraction isn’t bad) extracted THCA resin—as with a fresh or hot pressed extract. So-called “wax” (if I understand the unofficial nomenclature correctly) would also fall into this category as long as it was mechanically produced.

Concentrates Dosage - When smoked THCA converts by being heated into THC, that goes directly into the bloodstream through the lining of the lungs and then through the blood brain barrier. This is as opposed to the relatively slow process that decarboxylated THC is finally absorbed by the lining of the small intestine and slowly collect in the bloodstream, a much more indirect route to the brain. Smoked concentrate gives me a deeper dive for a shorter amount of time than smoked flower. It is in actuality more than is necessary for deep diving. If you can get your whisps to be as tiny as possible, you would consume your supply much more slowly. The “high” or the “deep” is only so high or so deep, via this method. And it does build up a tolerance in my experience that makes smoked flower less effective until smoking anything is put off for a few hours. This brings me down to the shelf where the edibles curve is still at work. Even better is to wait until the baseline after that. To summarize dosage?: Every few days I’ll smoke one tiny dab of concentrate, no more than 1-2 hits for the whole day, and will avoid smoking flower.

Concentrates Method - I do a combination of dabbing and micro-smoking. It’s simple. I scoop a piece of concentrate and add it to the center of a fresh small pipeful of flower. I melt it by heating with the light held back a bit. Then it melts all over and bonds with the slightly charred material underneath. The concentrate takes longer to burn than flower, but it melts into the neutral carbon of the ash on top, creating a little crystalline cap. I don’t have the equipment to make concentrates, so I get them in other ways. 

Concentrates Usage - So as I can use smoked flower to dive into the deep end of the creative process while on an edible, smoked concentrate is the way to reach the tiles at the bottom of the deep end. I never feel like I am “getting high” or flying. I’m not sure who really does feel that way? I feel more like I am swimming into my mind. In my opinion, ultimate reality exists within the mind, not in spacetime on the outside. We view the world from the outside in, rather than the way we THINK we view the world—from the inside out. That is why the metaphor of the deep end is applicable. The further one explores the inside, the further toward sources other than one’s self can be contacted or tools can be found to bring back into the every-day world of sobriety. Concentrate can sometimes get me there and back. But I use it sparingly. There are plenty of musical and artistic concepts to be mined in the shallower waters.

Concentrate Cons - THC at greater concentrations in the brain requires a greater amount of time in my life to process. It can exhaust me. 

VAPING

I don’t use any vape hardware at this time. I have a vape pen (510 cartridge type), I bought it because I was thinking it would be better for me than smoking. The concept seems healthier, but I wonder? Please see the “Vaping Cons” section below. A liquid oil is combined with pure THCA to keep it evenly diluted in fluid form. When a draw is made through the mouthpiece, the battery (usually charged by USB DC adapter) heats the oil to exactly the point of vaporization, but below the level of incineration (burning). Technically there is no smoke at all, just like with electronic cigarettes. 

Vaping Dosage - If done correctly one hit would be a very clean version of a dabbed hit, but shorter lasting. When I say “clean” I mean that it is more like a physical rather than mental effect. I found it kind of like a hydrocodone pain killer. Ideally a 1000 mg should last longer than the ten grams of weed that the THCA came from. 

Vaping Method - This is how the oil vaping pen system shines. You don’t do anything but suck on that sucker, then inhale with air. But be careful and read the “Vaping Cons” below. In my opinion, nothing hurts (and may harm?) like an over-hit from a vape pen. Slipping it in and out of your pocket without spillage makes it extremely convenient and discreet.

Vaping Usage - I found that having a pen was nice during the day to use if I wanted that clarity, but I didn’t feel as inspired as by directly (without oil) smoking concentrate on flower. I suppose it could be mixed into the recipe of creative process. If swimming was our metaphor earlier, I found vaping to be like hanging out in the shallow end. The water was clear but not overly filled with meaning. As a creative tool, vaping - for me - might fill the space that discretion demands. In other words, where smoking a pipe isn’t possible. I used to go outside while working downtown at the library or Dunkin Donuts and take drags on the pen.

Vaping Cons - The oil admixture used to keep the THCA liquid is a crappy system. I don’t like ingesting filler in any way. I always coughed unless I filled my lungs with air first then took a tiny puff of the pen. No thanks! Now, with the controversy of oil vaping and the possibility of getting badly made shit? Until I can buy a vape pen that vaporizes pure THCA, I’ll have to go without in public, which is just as well.

SUMMARY

I will go for days and sometimes weeks with no THC at all just to make sure I am viewing things correctly for myself. I am more likely to do an edible, and not smoke for a day or two. I am fortunate, even having experienced temporary dementia after my surgery, not to have a negative crossover into my infrequent and voluntary use of THC as a psychoactive. There seems to be no real delay in the mental process of healing, whether I use THC or not. I may be nearing the end of my life, but when it comes to my experience with THC and marijuana, self control is my REAL drug. And rather than limiting me, being able to shift in and out of using psychoactive substances of any kind (even caffeine), without becoming habituated, is liberating.

Nevertheless, I cannot make and mix music (for example) effectively without a full toolbox. THC should be included. It’s like driving without my glasses. I don’t want to drive my music without THC. I can get by but I am partially “blinded” by not being able to see the music—full spectrum. Some other rarer visionary substances would work, but I have none. Once in a while, starved of THC, a drink might even work in a weak way, but not reliably. For me, seeing the music (aside from the use of psychedelics) can only properly be done with THC. And despite my delicate financial situation, having grown plants last year, my THC use is really independent of my current budget.  

I’m very encouraged that the world is about to benefit culturally from the freer availability and guiltless use of cannabis in all of its forms. But the profound change will be revealed most prominently through art, music, and books, transmitted by an ever more tenacious kinds of communication, driven by technological advancement… 

I hope that the end of prohibition will take the cultural thumb off the scale weighted against the artist, in all his/her forms, by balancing it out with increased cognitive liberty. In other words, for me, this is a religious issue. How I use my mind in any way I want is a sacred and universal human right. My life is my personal religion. It’s holy rites and rituals (no matter what judgement others pass upon them) are fundamentally mine to use for myself as I worship in my own way. That includes using any legal psychoactive substances I need or want, as a mind tool. If society can free the mind of the common person by placing value on personal religious liberty (as opposed to “group religious liberty,”) I think collectively, we as a species might become less greedy. 

The satisfaction of mapping what I call: the nonphysical truths can turn your wasteful castle into one room that does it all…that being, whatever room you’re in! Of course! 

Perhaps our love of things, our "thing fetishism," will contract into cheap long-lasting worlds of the mind—instead of houses filled with unused stuff, yet electronically interconnected like never before. Someday something like this is going to happen. It may take several versions to run their courses before a lasting world peace is strong enough to handle and limit the crushing gravity and deep integration of each of us into each other’s personal space. 

Given the choice, let the artists inform the culture, rather than the other way around. Peace will only last when we are cognitively liberated as individuals. It is still possible!

* * * * * * *

NOTES 

1) THC [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetrahydrocannabinol] 

2) Harry Anslinger [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_J._Anslinger] 

3) Richard Nixon [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Nixon] 

4) Francis Crick [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Crick] 

5) THCA [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tetrahydrocannabinolic_acid]

The IWALLK Essays - 7. Meaning in a Faraway Place

Across the rolling etherial void, Sparks still fly out in every direction. As the great First Source and Center makes contact with the human-minded surface of expanding spacetime, the infinite welding rod melts down and bead-bonds the relevant aspects of incomplete evolution to the inevitability of Universal completion. 

But it isn't happening just to allow my word-salad observations. For those of us who contemplate such things, this tension between process and finality seems paradoxical, since, in so many ways, it really isn't happening at all. On absolute levels it never needed to. You'd kind of have to “be there” to know either way. This cycle of eternity is not meant to be enigmatic. It just IS enigmatic. It is a mystery and it will never cease to remain mysterious to we human beings, as long as we beings remain human. So, why even mention any of this? Well, let me come back to that a little later.

First, as best I can, I need to recount what it was like for me in the Faraway Place that I visited while the beeping of heart monitors chased the flashing, graphic waveforms displayed on breathing machines. 

Once below a time...

Gentle winds swept over my face, although my face had seemingly gone extinct. Except for the quantum tunneling of my vision, I wasn't there in any substantive way. And, maybe the shifting of my own shadow was the wind? Whatever the case, I was quite comfortable in the colorful liquid gardens flourishing all around me. When I'd look at the flowers they'd bloom from only my attention. Everything was in superpostitional waves and my mind was collapsing them into shapes. When flowers did bloom, their edges appeared to become unstable, squeezing parts of themselves off into the air. The separated pieces would turn into other shapes and then faded back into invisibility. I was synesthetic—seeing the fragrances of these flowers, tasting their beauty. 

There was no floor, no ground, no foundation, but I was in an open room of some kind. I had seen it before—a little over 30 years ago. But, until now, the details had steadily faded into the uncertainty of my memory. There was no sky other than a Golden Orange Light and its sunset-like luminescence needed nothing more, as rays were coming in from every direction at once.

Most significantly, at rest in front of me, upon a simple throne of fruiting vines, sat the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. His skin had no lesser features (no freckles, no pores...actually, no marks at all) yet it was soft and radiated a rosy, visible warmth, especially when he smiled. I despair that I don't have the words to paint a more detailed portrait. There is nothing in my pre-surgical experience, nor in the experiences of anyone I've ever spoken with that rises to the level of comparison needed to describe this guy. He was incomparable. But he was not special in that place. He and I talked at great length about the things that had happened in my life. He was a counselor of some kind.

In this Faraway Place my mind was so clear that I could easily – sometimes uncomfortably – recall the fine details of long-ago and forgotten concerns. I came to grips with just how many times I had passionately fought for things that would have very little meaning in my now-present. 

Slowly the light level began to dim and straight shards of brilliant violet rays streamed in from the otherwise-arching horizon. Looking back on it now, there are big patches of time that I can't recall from this vision. Yet, I want to clarify how I experienced it in a bit more detail...

It was obvious to me that I was in a place I had been before. Yet, when I looked down to see parts of my body, it wasn't there. I was definitely able to view the scene around me in great detail. I remember it well and have contemplated painting it some how. The overarching feeling was one of familiarity. It was like the kind of dream where you recognize all the characters—know their entire backstories, despite never having met them in the waking world. When you awaken from such a dream all of that information is suddenly hidden. The good friends of your superconsciousness have yet to friend you at Facebook. That is how I felt about this place. The man to whom I spoke was familiar as the “kind” of person I had interacted with before, but I'd never met him personally. He was not human, but he was made out of visible matter and appeared voluntarily able to make himself visible to me. The last time I had been there it was to meet another kind of person...someone much grander.

This was different from a lucid dream, in that, I'd forgotten that my body was being worked on in a hospital somewhere else in the Universe, but I was fully conscious in the Faraway Place. I knew that where I was was more real than everyday life. I still feel that way.

It appears that the soul (or some kind of conscious quantum waveform) is able to entangle its sense of location to more than one place at once. In this way the soul can experience a Faraway Place via the Spark pulling a thread of consciousness to that place, while the rest of the semi-material parts of the evolving soul remain trapped within the confines of the fleshy, material life vehicle we call a “body,” no matter what is happening to that body. 

A break now for some metaphysics: The seat of consciousness (the “identity” or “self”) migrates from the material child brain of the animal body, to the semi material mind of the soul throughout a lifetime; this migration being proportional to the amount of wisdom gained. In an oversimplification (and something I will be returning to in a future essay): Wisdom (W) = Knowledge (K) + Experience (E). It is my sense that, for nearly everyone, a soul develops that is able to take over full consciousness upon material death of the body. No one is ever lost, unless he/she chooses not to exist anymore. 

The Spark presents the world to each of us as it was preplanned and co-planned by YOU and ME, from the so-called, “future.” 

Again, preplanned from the future. All that is left in order to turn these potentials into actuals is to allow the individual consciousness to experience the results of will-decisions offered by the Spark in its formal presentation of daily life. In this way wisdom becomes permanent when events “undergo the formality of actually occurring” [Alfred North Whitehead] and move the soul forward progressively in its quest to overcome the material body and thence, the material world. When I talk about wearing our souls on the outside, I'm not being figurative. I believe that in the rare case where a Spark (which is the highest form of non-personal “spirit”) has broken through most of the barriers to unity in the human mind, the soul can literally free itself from the body by fusing with said Spark. In this way death may actually be avoided, since there is now a new form of being. 

I learned, while in the Faraway Place, and by about the time that my unconscious body was being wheeled out of the operating room, that I still had the will power to stay there or return here. I was given the choice. It was the stereotypical near-death choice, except that I just wasn't dead yet. 

It was obvious to me though that I had to go back and finish living here in what I considered to be a duct-taped, discount-rack reality, called “21st Century Earth.” I knew I was going back, but couldn't remember exactly where I'd end up, until I opened my eyes while the breathing tube was still down my throat. At just that moment, an elaborate golden picture frame surrounded the frozen face of my beautiful counselor. Then it split like a cell over and over again, filling my whole field of vision with millions of variously sized picture frames. I knew these frames were metaphors, as my mind futilely attempted to save as much as possible from what I had just done and where I had just been. Then it was over.

I tried again and again to have the breathing tube removed, so that I might tell this strange tale. My sister watched me and tried several times to have the tube removed, to no avail. The pain of the tube and the inability to breath the air around me made me claustrophobic, and I continued to pass out. There was no consciousness during this time. My body was stretched to the point of desperation, so much so, that it needed to shut off the consciousness in order to save energy. I'd made my choice, though I was still dubious about it. I was **back** for what would be my third chance at completing my life. It couldn't have happened without my approval. I've come to believe (but am not sure) that my counselor in the Faraway Place, was assigned to turning me back.

That is all fine and good. And – as you've read in prior essays – I'm not overjoyed with my decision. But, I will learn to do what is necessary to finish whatever I have started here in the corporeal world—the world of the flesh. 

Now let me draw you back to the current moment. I'm not going to talk about my physical situation anymore, except to say that I have been given about ten more years—which is good! (I would be ashes on the ground somewhere if I had not decided on surgery. By the time you read this it will be exactly three months since my bypass procedure.)

Despite not healing perfectly in my sternum, I am still strong. My heart functions at about 35% efficiency, but it is well oxygenated now. I have been battling a mental bombardment of stupidity. In other words, I am pulling myself back from the momentum of WANTING to die. I begin counseling on the 9th of January for this.

I'm alone right now, except for a kitty named, Bridget. My mother has gone down to Florida for two months and I am looking after her house and kitty. The cat is all over me all day. And I don't mind the company. I love her. She is my constant companion.

UPDATE: I have a lot of music to do now. My first song, one from the viewpoint of my Mom and myself (“Herx Sing”), is going to be done soon. I encourage people to learn more about dementia and amnesia. It is both an irony and an important lesson to me that the psychic settling down from my own apparent problems with post general anesthesia (in which I myself experienced dementia), influences my reporting on the subject. But I can't do anything else.