A Living Magazine - Day 6 - The Redefining

This was such a great place to sleep. Only one time did someone come through the field. A young man biked across about 200 feet away, never seeing me.

The day's plan was to get to the Santa Rosa branch of the Sonoma County Regional Library and do some work, then find the next way north along Route 101. I walked further down Santa Rosa Avenue until I reached Third Street. There, I walked the half mile or so to the library. It was still very early and they didn't open until 10:00 am. So, I walked around town and got to know the flavor of the place.

Here is some of what I saw...

This obelisk was created entirely out of old bike parts.

I believe they call this a "paradox"

I came around a bend and found this neat little place: Prince Gateway Park...

At least I met the "big fish" in this town!

I used the early morning park to dry out my dirty clothes so that I could put them in the pack without them rotting...

The white on my shirt and hat are dried salt.

While I waited, I took the opportunity to photograph some of the redwoods here. I know we're used to thinking they are all giants. But, they do start out little...

Baby Redwood

The bark of redwoods is very distinctive.

After I'd changed, brushed my teeth and dried the clothes, I headed down town. It is interesting how every town or city has proudly displayed their local art. This was another donation...

The city of Santa Rosa! - Let's give 'em a big hand! 

Some guy, reflecting on things.

Cool idea for a chessboard.

I saw the sign...

I've tried to be eating better on this journey. Being an Asiaphile, in each town I look for an Asian market to buy snacks. Here are a couple of my favorites...

I returned to the library at 10:00 am and got quite a bit of work done. The afternoon went by quickly and it was time for me to walk north again. I left the library and headed back down to Santa Rosa Avenue and thence north. When I'd gone about 5 miles, I stopped by outside a McDonald's and got online to check Google Maps. That's when I realized I couldn't follow the Route 101 corridor any longer. There was just too much wilderness to come. I can handle wilderness hiking and camping, but I am not equipped with the stuff I would need for a multi-day trip, if there are no stores around.

Reluctantly, I made the decision to go back to Santa Rosa and try to get a bus to the Napa region, where I had planned to be by this point anyway, originally. I was frustrated, hot and had much on my mind about the public reception (or lack of it) for what I was doing this time. It seemed very much like people had fun traveling with me on the Manifest Destiny crossing, but were sick of me now. It had turned into a "been there done that" situation. And, while this hurt my feelings, I had to admit that it must have been something I'm doing wrong. I can't MAKE people interested.

I reached Santa Rosa by sunset and ventured back to my field sleep spot for one more night. I thought myself fortunate to have run across it the night before, and this relief at not having to find a new place on this night was a big relief.

I set up the nest, and even pulled up grass to stuff under the tarp. It was a nice level area...

This kind of set-up is so simple and works so well.

I could not get the disappointments out of my head. I had planned this journey to the point of exhaustion in the last four months. I wrote a business plan, started a little merchandising micro corporation (which worked great, by the way) to sell t-shirts, wrote two short stories (The Aeronaut Revelation and the Flower Farmer--both here at the blog), and even practice-camped to make sure my simpler set up would work.

I thought for sure that the shear novelty of the project would catch on. Murphy knows me well though, and I should have remembered that whenever my expectations are high for something I end up disappointed. I stewed on all of this for a couple hours, pacing around the tarp and sleeping bag until I'd worn a small path in the grass.

Then it came to me...

I suddenly realized that I had been thinking about it all wrong the whole time. I was relying on other people for my own success. It wasn't fair to them, and it was making me crazy. Being insecure out here on the road - trying to do something that had not been done before - was not only psychologically deleterious, but physically dangerous, since it was distracting me from paying attention to my day-to-day duties. 

The old feeling from the first crossing suddenly dawned on me: I must simply TRUST the Universe that everything would work out. That's what I did last time. I was filled all-at-once with a new feeling of confidence. People would donate if I simply became tenaciously focused on my goal. I had worn out my welcome with these crazy schemes and now my readers were tired of it all.

I'm still working out the details of how to approach the rest of this journey, but even if I have to slowly build up a new readership (possibly from the people I meet out here?) I would not stop until I had financial and moral support again. I knew that by Sunday I'd be LITERALLY penniless. 

I read advice and suggestions from people on Facebook to do things that I've already explained my reason for not doing. And after all the second-guessing by others about my methodology, all I wanted to hear was one or two words of encouragement about the things that people think are good ideas. Yet, I know in my heart that I'm doing things the best way I can, and now I am committed to learning some kind of technique for simply DOING them, and not worrying about what other people think. 

No one I know has ever attempted to do this kind of journalism before. If I don't at least attempt to do it myself, it will never be done. The moment will have passed away and a historic opportunity will have been lost forever. For my own satisfaction, now, I MUST complete this no matter what it takes.

My Plan B - if that were to happen - was to can the idea of writing this blog and take any and all forms of transportation to get back to New England, by the shortest route possible. There, I would disappear (maybe become Maine's second hermit?). 

This whole adventure, from last fall to this very day, was my last resort to do something great with my life. And, I prayed every day and night that it would allow me to eventually earn enough money to buy my little piece of land and build my self sustaining house. It was a modest dream. For $20,000 I could be self-sufficient, have no utilities and maybe even fall in love with someone again and have a late-life family.

Now, I'm not sure any of it will happen. But Plan B is not the answer either. There is some Reason why I'm doing all this, besides the popular impression that I'm simply beside myself. Where I thought people were being fickle about their support for it, I replaced that notion with the desire to stick to my guns, no matter what--as I had done last fall and winter.

There is a statement from a book I admire that says: "You should become immune to disappointment." Spiritually, this has been my major objective for many years now. I've hardly ever been able to actually NOT feel disappointed when all my plans have been laid to waste, or when I depend on friends and then feel let-down when they simply don't care about my unusual and eccentric ideas.

I've staked everything on this project. I guess I must make it look easy now or something, to do as much work as I'm doing and simply hear yawns in the background.

As I stopped pacing and stood there under the gathering of an overcast sky, I decided to re-submit my focus toward the Spark inside me. I could live, or I could die, but whatever happens I want it to be because I was following the Spark, and not my own personal ambitions.

It was time to reach into myself, grab what remained of my dignity, and go back to the idea of wearing my soul on the outside. It is all I have left of myself, and I aim to make sure that you all see it. I know I'm about to go hungry for awhile and that will make the work many times harder. But the Spark and the One who it was derived from, will not let me die without giving my life a purpose--even if I will never see the appreciation that the few people left following this journey would have in that case.

Tomorrow's post (describing today's events) will mark the beginning of the new paradigm for my efforts......................