A Living Magazine - Grounded in Maine - Day 32 - Visiting Melinda: New Family in the Calculus of Life

 Melinda's breakfasts just don't quit...

Fried eggs with provolone cheese, blueberry muffin, avocado, and bananas.

I made my daily commute...

Another great painting at Joy to the Wind Gallery.

Before leaving Maine two years ago, I'd never known about the love locks.

I've seen them in nearly every state now, usually on bridges.

I worked outside the Red Cup Coffeehouse, then outside the library (it was closed for Sunday). Then I walked around a bit. I found a crabapple tree and some ripe rose hips near the ferry landing, and picked a bunch to bring back and process for snacks...

Rose hips are a bit of a challenge. They need to be cleaned. The smaller ones are almost not worth it. Thankfully there were a few large ones too. I cut them in half and scraped out the seeds from the inside, then flatten them out a bit to be rinsed along with the cut up apple pieces...

Together with the bladderwrack chilling from a couple days before, I had a nice snacking portion of foraged food...

We had sandwiches, and Melinda made clam chowder for me, with salad. Lovely. I took a short evening walk back to the Fisherman's Memorial; a place I like to go to think...

I forgot to mention that the night before we watched an incredible movie called, August Rush. I personally think that every musician should watch this film. I could identify with it very strongly, because I too have always heard music in all things. The Universe IS a kind of music; sometimes discordant, usually in tune, and on rare occasions, in perfect harmony. The movie had a great plot and terrific acting. The writing was superior and leaves one continuing to make connections long after watching. I like movies that complete circles. This one did not disappoint.

* * * * * * *

NEW FAMILY IN THE CALCULUS OF LIFE

As we talked, Melinda told me about an event in her past that was one of those rare times when (as I saw it) a choice is so natural, yet bold and brave as to change the lives of both one's self and another. I won't go into details of her story, out of respect for her privacy, but I think a general story could be written about it. Hearing what happened was as much a teachable moment for me, as it had been for her years ago. It is still stuck in my mind and is serving as a focus of my meditation lately. And I have some thoughts about this in retrospect.

Truly, other people who have had a lifetime of interesting experiences can impart a kind of wisdom not available in one's own personal life. We adults, when we're young, think we know everything. And, it's interesting that as we learn just how different the world is from our expectations and assumptions, it is as if we grow up again. When I was in my twenties, I was sure that I had the answers to the world's problems and I thought I could easily judge those who were older than I was. But I was wrong.

Now that I have reached middle age, I have learned that it was only in the remaking of myself that the true meaning began to appear. I realize how silly I was half a life ago. But, honestly, I don't think that that message can be comprehended by people under thirty. They simply must go through the emotional topology of the years to come and actually see the highest heights and the lowest lows. Becoming a caring human being, through open minded reflection is a way to continue growing up. CAREful examination of one's own reactions (and in this case Melinda's reaction to the situation she described) to uncomfortable, challenging and uncertain circumstances - especially when relating to difficult people - is how the soul grows.

I once heard that Knowledge plus Experience equals Wisdom (K + E = W, if you will). Personally, and perhaps only for me, there is a spiritual parallel for the development of my own soul. Three kinds of mind are involved in this development: The superconscious preexistent Spark, the conscious temporary human-animal, and the embryonic subconscious but potentially eternal soul. 

Using the variables above, the Spark provides or confirms K, the human-animal acquires E, and the two together grow the W of the soul. As no man or woman is an island, so no soul develops without the algebra of other developing souls. And this process might be comparatively described as the calculus of life.

In the ocean of humanity we might think of ourselves as drops--being the smallest amount of water that surface tension can hold together--like geometric points. In calculus (being the geometry of motion) curves are made of points (derivatives) that are as close to zero as possible, without being zero. As streams of water describe actions that flow out of and into the ocean, so do the curves describe functions. Streams sometimes separate out into drops, while drops sometimes combine to form streams. That is how they function.

We may be individual drops, but our lives can only be appreciated in relation to the streams in which we participate. When we come together as Melinda I had on this evening, we not only learn from and teach each other, but our permanent essences - our souls - exchange the salinity of individual experience, creating something new in return. This newness can then more easily be transferred to other people. 

Most people would prefer to have the water of their consciousnesses keep going after the human-animal has turned to salt. Drops from the ocean cast onto the rocks of death leave only salt remaining. But water having once contained salt is thereby changed by that compound. Its quantum state may retain the memory. 

I don't mean all of this to be so obtuse or enigmatic as to lose the general feeling I am trying to express. Some folks are literal-minded, while others are symbol-minded. I happen to belong to the latter group. Yet, I can appreciate how convoluted these things may appear to the former. Therefore, let me try to tie these loose ends back together.

Nothing happens without a Reason, in my opinion. As experienced as I am in life, I still require E components that I have not had access to in order for my W to continue growing. Through Melinda's edifying story, I was able to add a new angle of approach to my own thinking. What was her E is now also my E. The K available to both of us, but only experienced by one of us (her), has now informed our collective W. It made me realize that we have become family.

Ultimately, isn't that what family is? Two people, through trust, become friends. Some friendships dissolve, because that trust is lost. But, when trust transforms into love (defined here, as giving without the expectation of receiving back), friends become a new family. Family isn't blood. It is shared experience, inspired by love. 

For the last two years I have referred to the friends I made who are older than me as Uncle or Aunty (picked up from observing the similar Hindu habit of personal address). Friends around my age are Brother and Sister. This means I have moved beyond trusting them, to loving them. Now, I can use how I address these folks by the context of what I've written above...with intention. It took me all this time, and the visit with Melinda in Boothbay, to fully define for myself what a genuine family is.

We drops of water in the stream, we points along the curve, we souls gaining wisdom... We are the new family, joining our experiences, via the calculus of life offered by the collective actions of our Sparks, as combined with our individual life experiences. We are turning trust into love. That's how I know that Melinda is my Aunty. And wherever she is, there, will be my family.

* * * * * * *