I learned about a month ago that due to building code requirements I would not be able to construct the cabin in which I'd planned to spend the winter. Strangely, it was not because of the small square footage, nor composting toilet, nor gray water plan, etc. Rather, it has to do with confusion over whether my right of way (the dirt road that leads to my property) should be considered a driveway at the point where it enters the border of my land. Determining that will decide the building location.
I have no other place to spend the winter, and can't afford to pay rent and mortgage (my mortgage is about a third of what an average rent would be). There is no question that I must stay on the land through the coming winter. So, now my task will be to winterize the tent. I must make it a shelter suitable for surviving the season.
At first this situation caused me a great deal of stress. It wasn't so much the idea of the discomforts and danger of essentially living outside during a Maine winter where snow can remain three feet deep for months and the temperatures can plummet to 20 below zero Fahrenheit.
My aggravation had more to do with the requirement of delaying my ever-precious plans. You know from reading my past attempts to plan, and the way fate has of throwing them in the trash, just how stupid it is for me to rely on my own timeframes.
After a short amount of time though, I began to feel much better about the whole thing. I don't know if it was the Spark or simply my own need to comfort myself, but I had the strong impression that no matter what happens everything will be alright. Please do not mistake that for blithe and carefree indifference. The concept relieving my anxiety was more like, "...even if I die from exposure, everything will be alright..." There was also the sense that I still had more to "pay" for, before I could truly call this place my home.
I imagined that maybe the invisible destiny-givers think I would become somehow complacent, a hermit, "lost" in the woods of myself, were I to have such a safe and relatively comfortable time right off the bat. I mean, it just doesn't fit the pattern of my life. For godsakes, a reliable shelter would indicate that I'd fallen into a lazy life of ease! All sarcasm aside, perhaps this cold dark requisite might be the only way to keep people interested in the project. Regardless of anything I might hypothesize about why this is happening, I WILL be living in this tent through to spring.
Unfortunately, the money I had planned to use for construction must now be channeled into winterizing and survival. This means that when I am approved by the Town of Farmington to build my little cottage, I will probably not have the funds to do so. The struggle to have even the smallest amount of what others take for granted, and some others have never known a day without, will continue as it has... Amen.
The priority list has now become the following...
* Cover the tent with a canopy. That is what I started two weeks ago...
I know it looks ramshackle, but it is very strong.
* Surround the canopy with a vertical skirt that will completely enclose the tent. I still need to buy a couple more tarps to complete this.
* Construct tarp canopies over other parts of the property to keep snow off my firewood and tools.
* Construct a rigid foam insulation inner-shell for the tent, complete with doors and possibly some kind of windows.
* Buy a safe (no carbon monoxide producing) propane heater, and a 20 pound tank of propane--which should easily last a month at a time.
Essentially, I aim to have quite a bit of this area of the land completely covered. There will be a hundred other things that I have not anticipated. The danger of admitting on social media that I haven't thought of everything, means I will be swamped with unasked-for advice. Everyone who sleeps in a warm bedroom, tucked inside a strong shelter will become an instant expert on spending the Maine winter in a tent. Already, I suspect that people are angling for ways to talk me out of this.
This brings up the second half of this post...
I am having a harder and harder time not becoming enraged with people who think they know better than I do what is best for me. I find it interesting to know that had I not bought this land I would probably be spending the winter in my little IWALLK tent anyway--something people apparently would not have been surprised by. I am in a much better position to survive with what I have now. But none of what I say to defend my own judgement means a damned thing to some folks. I wish it didn't bother me so much. But it does. It always has and I have never found a way to mitigate this disability of mine. I wonder if it might be what drives me to pursue my goals at nearly any price?
I was told, when I left Maine to cross the country in October of 2014 that I was crazy. As I crossed the country, I heard that so many times that it actually made me proud to hear it after a while. When I got to the West Coast, I was criticized for not enduring enough hardship on the way. So, when I planned the trip back to Maine, I made sure that I would never hear that again, by putting myself through every imaginable situation. When I made it back to Maine I was criticized for asking for donations for my blog, despite how much I went through, and still was jabbed for spending a night in a motel room instead of sleeping in the rain, etc...
In all I traveled 10,000 miles, walked about 5,000 of those, including an unbroken walk from Georgia to Washington DC, and then across all of Western New England, in all - from October 2014 to 2016 - rough camping over 400 times, with an additional trek up the Maine coast--40 more rough camps. Tack on the number of nights I have camped on my land and we are looking at over 500 nights spent outside in the last three years. Still I am treated like a novice by some friends who see themselves as my mentors, though my experience dwarfs anything they've ever done. Others donate money in order to buy influence over my activities. This irritates me even more than the armchair advisors. I have returned donations if I sensed that they were meant only to steer me toward the agendas of the donors.
In all I traveled 10,000 miles, walked about 5,000 of those, including an unbroken walk from Georgia to Washington DC, and then across all of Western New England, in all - from October 2014 to 2016 - rough camping over 400 times, with an additional trek up the Maine coast--40 more rough camps. Tack on the number of nights I have camped on my land and we are looking at over 500 nights spent outside in the last three years. Still I am treated like a novice by some friends who see themselves as my mentors, though my experience dwarfs anything they've ever done. Others donate money in order to buy influence over my activities. This irritates me even more than the armchair advisors. I have returned donations if I sensed that they were meant only to steer me toward the agendas of the donors.
When I announced my purchase of this land and my plans for it, I was told that it was too dangerous, that it was too much work for a fragile "inexperienced" (!), person like myself. Even if I survive the entire winter, adding that to my slate of experiential challenges, still there will be people who think I should do what they want and am incapable of self-direction. Again, this maddening and insulting.
In the last few months I have really felt the poison of social media in my life. I also see how it drives other people crazy, makes things harder and leads to undeserved anxiety. I need the medium of Facebook in order to promote my projects, but I am beginning to steer away from all other interactions there.
I even considered completely retiring from public life. But that isn't the answer. I have a story - an epic saga; a future legend - to establish before my heart pulls me to the ground again. I will complete it if I can, and it will be in full view of the public.
I NEVER intrude into anyone's life plans with unasked for advice or suggestions...EVER. I was taught that the Golden Rule was the standard for this kind of thing. Yet, I find that the most religious people I know are the most likely to shove their advice down my throat. They are followed by many conservatives who live vicariously through my extraordinary ability to put my thoughts into action. They are at the same time attracted to my sheer force of will, while being repelled by my progressive ideas. Some have completely crossed over the line, by actively discouraging, naysaying, and criticizing me--unfairly judging me. How pathetic and small is a person whose own life is so boring, misled, unfulfilled, shallow and petty that they feel the need to attack a person who truly is trying to exceed himself by doing what I have chosen to do with my life? This is even painfully true with some of the closest members of my family.
I am supported by (roughly) 40% progressive intellectual liberal/progressives, 30% conservative/libertarians, 20% psychedelic cognitive libertarians (the group I identify my own beliefs most closely with), and 10% social religionists. This generalization is anecdotal and purely my own subjective evaluation.
Finally, I want to state for the record that I believe very strongly believe that ALL ideology is poisonous to the soul. The Sparks find it exceedingly hard to cooperate with each other in the current environment of blind adherence to overused human ideology. So many adults believe that other "expert" need be relied upon to do their heavy intellectual lifting for them.
This of course should not surprise anyone, least of all me. We have our individual dreams and goals pounded out of us in the educational system, which feeds us like meat animals to be "processed" into the feed lots of corporate/consumer, debt-based traps. By the time we are reaching our 40's (if we have not yet woken up) our investment in the thing-fetishizing culture of plastic salad shooters, shopping for sport, consuming crap--made important over all other activities, complacently dumbing ourselves before the entertainment gods, and killing ourselves with the socially accepted drugs of red meat, TV, alcohol, tobacco, transfat, caffeine, fossil fuel squandering transport, culturally sanctioned sexual abuse, etc., has nailed us to the cliff.
By that time it is simply too difficult to begin over again. Families are stuck in habits that destroy their children's futures, while abusively insisting that those children raise their own children to do the same. There is no hell, save that which these final generations are creating for the future.
So...
I will continue to winterize my land. I will continue to simplify at every chance I get. I will continue to fight against cyperconventionalism, social conformity, unthinking uniformity, self-blindness, matter-obsessed materialism, wasteful habits, over indulgence, and ideology.
That is why I insist on making my life MY OWN and rejecting the intrusion of others who with extremely limited understanding of my situation, insist on counseling me when I don't ask for it. Not only should these sickly self-appointed doctors heal themselves first, before thinking they know what is better for me than I know for myself, they should begin to realize that it is not me whom they seek to "help" but rather themselves. Spewing what I "should be" doing is purely the act of people who are desperate for others to see them as superior somehow. Some folks coddle the purveyors of this bullshit, by rationalizing: "they are well intentioned" ... "they only want to help" ... "just let it go...let it run off your shoulders" ... But I am done accepting those excuses.
This is - I think? - something like my seventh or eighth IWALLK blog posts addressing the subject (on top of dozens of Facebook posts saying just as much) of just how strongly I despise the self-appointed advice of these folks. Knowing most of them have read these posts, I no longer have any tolerance for this behavior. That they would read how much it bothers me and then continue to do it is unforgivable at this point. I have so much to deal with just to stay alive. While exposing myself to the extreme challenges of environmental danger, harsh weather, shoestring economic budgets, exhausting physical work, and my own tendency toward self-loathing, I think that people who aren't even empathetic enough to respect my many, many requests to remain unadvised--unless bidden for such advice, and morally supported--rather than poo-pooed, discouraged, insulted, disrespected, criticized and mocked by them, are worthy of my personal excommunication. The life I live is far too dangerous for me to be burdened by these folks.
I regret even having to speak on any of this. The blog will return to its more descriptive reporting with a bunch of lighter and more entertaining posts I have been working on, in the next couple weeks. I will be running a funding campaign for winter survival in next month. In the meantime, those who really understand what I am and what I do could do a great deal by making a contribution through the Paypal donate button, morally supporting this project at Facebook by sharing these posts with friends and family, leaving comments and generally sending positive vibes in my direction as I begin to enter the most difficult four months I have ever experienced. Like crossing a nation or just long distance walking between cities, let's spend this time together. The winter will be cold, dark, hungry and harsh, but when we emerge next spring maybe we will have all experienced one of the most enlightening challenges we have ever faced, as individuals or collectively.
I especially want to thank those who have consistently given without the expectation of any kind of return. That is the true definition of love...You are the most loyal and naturally wise people I know. You are my true family and I do love you right back.
In the last few months I have really felt the poison of social media in my life. I also see how it drives other people crazy, makes things harder and leads to undeserved anxiety. I need the medium of Facebook in order to promote my projects, but I am beginning to steer away from all other interactions there.
I even considered completely retiring from public life. But that isn't the answer. I have a story - an epic saga; a future legend - to establish before my heart pulls me to the ground again. I will complete it if I can, and it will be in full view of the public.
I NEVER intrude into anyone's life plans with unasked for advice or suggestions...EVER. I was taught that the Golden Rule was the standard for this kind of thing. Yet, I find that the most religious people I know are the most likely to shove their advice down my throat. They are followed by many conservatives who live vicariously through my extraordinary ability to put my thoughts into action. They are at the same time attracted to my sheer force of will, while being repelled by my progressive ideas. Some have completely crossed over the line, by actively discouraging, naysaying, and criticizing me--unfairly judging me. How pathetic and small is a person whose own life is so boring, misled, unfulfilled, shallow and petty that they feel the need to attack a person who truly is trying to exceed himself by doing what I have chosen to do with my life? This is even painfully true with some of the closest members of my family.
I am supported by (roughly) 40% progressive intellectual liberal/progressives, 30% conservative/libertarians, 20% psychedelic cognitive libertarians (the group I identify my own beliefs most closely with), and 10% social religionists. This generalization is anecdotal and purely my own subjective evaluation.
Finally, I want to state for the record that I believe very strongly believe that ALL ideology is poisonous to the soul. The Sparks find it exceedingly hard to cooperate with each other in the current environment of blind adherence to overused human ideology. So many adults believe that other "expert" need be relied upon to do their heavy intellectual lifting for them.
This of course should not surprise anyone, least of all me. We have our individual dreams and goals pounded out of us in the educational system, which feeds us like meat animals to be "processed" into the feed lots of corporate/consumer, debt-based traps. By the time we are reaching our 40's (if we have not yet woken up) our investment in the thing-fetishizing culture of plastic salad shooters, shopping for sport, consuming crap--made important over all other activities, complacently dumbing ourselves before the entertainment gods, and killing ourselves with the socially accepted drugs of red meat, TV, alcohol, tobacco, transfat, caffeine, fossil fuel squandering transport, culturally sanctioned sexual abuse, etc., has nailed us to the cliff.
By that time it is simply too difficult to begin over again. Families are stuck in habits that destroy their children's futures, while abusively insisting that those children raise their own children to do the same. There is no hell, save that which these final generations are creating for the future.
So...
I will continue to winterize my land. I will continue to simplify at every chance I get. I will continue to fight against cyperconventionalism, social conformity, unthinking uniformity, self-blindness, matter-obsessed materialism, wasteful habits, over indulgence, and ideology.
That is why I insist on making my life MY OWN and rejecting the intrusion of others who with extremely limited understanding of my situation, insist on counseling me when I don't ask for it. Not only should these sickly self-appointed doctors heal themselves first, before thinking they know what is better for me than I know for myself, they should begin to realize that it is not me whom they seek to "help" but rather themselves. Spewing what I "should be" doing is purely the act of people who are desperate for others to see them as superior somehow. Some folks coddle the purveyors of this bullshit, by rationalizing: "they are well intentioned" ... "they only want to help" ... "just let it go...let it run off your shoulders" ... But I am done accepting those excuses.
This is - I think? - something like my seventh or eighth IWALLK blog posts addressing the subject (on top of dozens of Facebook posts saying just as much) of just how strongly I despise the self-appointed advice of these folks. Knowing most of them have read these posts, I no longer have any tolerance for this behavior. That they would read how much it bothers me and then continue to do it is unforgivable at this point. I have so much to deal with just to stay alive. While exposing myself to the extreme challenges of environmental danger, harsh weather, shoestring economic budgets, exhausting physical work, and my own tendency toward self-loathing, I think that people who aren't even empathetic enough to respect my many, many requests to remain unadvised--unless bidden for such advice, and morally supported--rather than poo-pooed, discouraged, insulted, disrespected, criticized and mocked by them, are worthy of my personal excommunication. The life I live is far too dangerous for me to be burdened by these folks.
I regret even having to speak on any of this. The blog will return to its more descriptive reporting with a bunch of lighter and more entertaining posts I have been working on, in the next couple weeks. I will be running a funding campaign for winter survival in next month. In the meantime, those who really understand what I am and what I do could do a great deal by making a contribution through the Paypal donate button, morally supporting this project at Facebook by sharing these posts with friends and family, leaving comments and generally sending positive vibes in my direction as I begin to enter the most difficult four months I have ever experienced. Like crossing a nation or just long distance walking between cities, let's spend this time together. The winter will be cold, dark, hungry and harsh, but when we emerge next spring maybe we will have all experienced one of the most enlightening challenges we have ever faced, as individuals or collectively.
I especially want to thank those who have consistently given without the expectation of any kind of return. That is the true definition of love...You are the most loyal and naturally wise people I know. You are my true family and I do love you right back.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.