A Living Magazine - Day 60 - Pacific Women and Men

It was relaxing and good sleeping weather, as the temperature dropped significantly. I was out and on my way by 6:30 am...

Another golden sunrise.

There are messages all over town like this.

I got to Starbuck's and spent 5 hours writing the daily post. Again, i didn't have much of a plan for the day. I figured one would develop as I walked around the city...

Apparently not, otherwise she'd still have this nicely drawn sign.

YES! Let the weirdness continue!

Horses drinking on a 95° F day.

Tailored for "The City o Roses".

Best advertisement for a pet store is a large window with a sleeping kitty. 

First female teacher.

A flower spike on some kind of succulent. Plant name?

I'd been thinking for about a way to present the difference I see between the men and women of the West Coast, as compared to the East, without offending anyone (which might be impossible) or misrepresenting anyone.

I'm going to give it a try, but please read while dabbing at pinches of salt...

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PACIFIC WOMEN

One thing that an heterosexual man, with a normal sex drive, from New England, sees immediately here is how many beautiful, fit, friendly and well-educated woman are walking around. As longtime readers of this blog may or may not have recognized, I try to keep sexuality (especially my thoughts on it) out of the discussions. Yet, I cannot help but admit that I have been overwhelmed, even significantly distracted, by my reawakening urge to be in a relationship again; inspired by seeing the women here and just how many affectionate couples there are.

To start with, women (young and old) here in the West call themselves "girls". It seems to be a post-feminist world. If you use the word "woman" with any of them, you get a strange look, or a rolling of the eyes--as if they are saying, "...Like, that is SO late 80's!" They are very feminine-minded. They are not threatened or made to feel insecure about that femininity. They like being female and express that joy readily.

Fashions are: comfortable short dresses, tank tops, stretch pants, very short shorts (with a little bit of cheek showing), or a mixture of all three. Not many skinny jeans (that's what the men often wear). Radical (or what a North Easterner might consider radical) hair styles and bright hair colors (like tie-dye styles, set in hair) are very prevalent. Jewelry is light, except for piercings. Many - maybe most under 40 - are tattooed.

As I sit at Starbuck's on any particular day, I will see literally 50 different pretty "girls" walk by. Every one of them appeals to me both physically and aesthetically. When I walk past them on the sidewalks and streets, they frequently smile widely and say "Hello!" When I first arrived in Califonia, I misconstrued this friendliness with flirting, but learned quickly that it was just a way of trying to be friends FIRST. They are not afraid of men here. And, as we will see under the "PACIFIC MEN" subtitle, there is good reason for this lack of fear.

Because I am single, have never been married and have no children, but want to have children of my own, I am drawn to 30 thirty-somethings. I have to say that if/when I actually decide to act on this attraction, I might seriously consider coming here again. I get more female attention - a lot more - than I ever received in Maine, except maybe when I was a teenager. I think maybe I am naturally more like people from the Pacific West, or...something? Whatever it is, after many years of ignoring the opposite sex in favor of my work, this has been a convincing place to consider changing those priorities. 

Women of all body types, races, ethnicities, etc., are beautiful anyway, all around the world. I love women, in general--on many different levels. When I was a kid, instead of only hanging out with the men at family gatherings, where I was expected to be if I ever wanted to be a "real man", I'd often sneak into the other room and listen to what the women talked about. In most circumstances, even now, I prefer the company of women over men--no offense to my male friends!

Exercise, eating good healthy food, and being outside are significantly valued by the women here. They are fit, but not overly-muscular, nor skinny. They want to be part of the lovely and clean culture they have built up here. It is refreshing and could almost seem fictional, were I not to have been immersed in this culture. I've talked about the high level of affection a bit. But, I should also say that this affection say that platonic affection - same sex and otherwise - can really surprise an Easterner. When I watched the Grease movie in the park a few days earlier, there was a group of twenty-something girls hanging out with a couple of boys. They all held hands, frequently hugged each other, gave each other massages, and sat very close together, laughing and simply having fun. 

They were JUST friends--that's all. And, it seemed to me at the time, that this affectionate friendship eliminated the pressure and expectation of sexuality, while still leaving the door open for it if the wind blew in that direction. Sexual innuendo, cat-calling, machismo, teasing, etc. are not acceptable. One gets the feeling the behavior of that sort would be considered vulgar, immature, and backward. And, forget about racism or LGBT discrimination. It doesn't - essentially - doesn't exist. 

PACIFIC MEN

Now we come to a real departure from East Coast people. Men here - often called "boys" - are as diversely dressed as the women, sometimes much more so. They'll wear anything. Skinny jeans, leather vests without a shirt under them, dark colored t-shirts, with neon-florescent sneakers, hats, bracelets, are prominent. The men wear more jewelry than the women. Nearly all have some kind of facial hair, some beards are died bright colors. 

Dreadlocks, ponytails and a new (for me) style of bunching long hair into a bun - called, appropriately enough, a "man bun" - and wearing it on top of the head or where a ponytail might be, something like this...

A man bun - Google Images, public domain.

   

...is also quite popular. Shaved heads and flat tops are not often seen. Men like to show their hair, even if they don't have much. Short hair often has one long section drooping over.

Tattoos are on just about every man here. I may stand out for not having one. Though there is nothing really resembling peer pressure in this regard, I have thought about getting one (three blue concentric circles). Hanging out around any street corner in Portland can be like some kind of space port, with folks from all the nearby planets represented, except that all this variation in appearance comes from earth.

Like the women, the men are fit and eat junk food sparingly. They know their stuff when it comes to organic and healthful food. They jog and ride bikes, using the car only when there are five of more miles to cover (another generalization, perhaps). But, a very high percentage of men and women walk. It doesn't seem to be for any particular reason other than the fact that it is fun and a way to be outside. They don't do it out of some feeling of responsibility to their own health or the environment, so much as a way of being around other people.

The biggest surprise for me, when watching and listening to me hang out together is how incredibly well-spoken they are. In Maine, when I see a guy who is a little rough around the edges, I can bet that his speech has a high probability of being a kind of broken and regional English. I lived in Buxton, Maine for a couple years, and my friends there would say things like, "I weren't there when that happened." They know the proper way to say that ("I wasn't there when that happened."), but are afraid of looking geeky by using the correct words. 

Here, even the roughest, least-educated guy would not talk way. They would correct a hick Mainer. [I'm not saying that Mainers are hicks, just that the ones who speak like that might be seen that way--almost "retarded".] I pronounced "either" as "eye-ther" and was endlessly made fun of for it--not that I cared. Men here also have something like a strong high-pitched "s" in their speech, that New Englanders might typecast as "gay" sounding.

"Manliness" as a Mainer would understand it, is totally different here. A man is "manly" if he treats women with the equal respect which he would treat any man. He knows women here don't expect to be put on pedestals like little princesses. Women open the door for men as often as the other way around. Instead of showing a woman respect in order to get laid or to be seen as chivalrous, men here do it just because it is self-evident that women (and men--all humans) deserve respect, without other expectations being attached.

BOTH GENDERS

In this section I would include any gender-associating person, as well as the androgynous...

Much of the tension - sexual, and otherwise - found in other parts of the country between genders has been eliminated by the simple act of dignifying the one you're with. People here START OUT by being friendly, not stand-offish. In Maine, you have to be cool all the time. You wouldn't want to "lose your cool". And, by that, I mean the aloofness and unemotional kind of cool, not the "hey that's really cool!" cool. You earn your way into a tradition Maine group of friends by "not fucking up". Making a "mistake" socially might never be forgotten. Mainers use a list of other people's social faux pas as a back-up defense for having their own exposed or recounted. It is survival of the coolest. don't show weakness or insecurity or you will be eaten alive. 

Here in Oregon (for example), people will refuse to let you feel embarrassed. The best you can expect from the typical Maine socialization is silence when you do something embarrassing. And, you can bet your bottom dollar that they will all talk about it as soon as you leave the room. Not here. I (at this very moment) just witnessed a stranger who was obviously mentally ill walk up and physically stand between a man and woman who were discussing plans for the day. He muttered something they didn't understand. The boyfriend or husband (?) just told the guy they were a little bit busy right then, but would talk to him later. He went wobbling off to another group of people and did the same thing. As he did, I listened carefully to what the first couple would say about him. They said nothing, and continued their day's planning as if the guy had never existed.

There is a well known quote from Eleanor Roosevelt...

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

I don't hear a lot of discussion about people behind their backs here. The only time I hear "she did this" or "he did that" is when people are on the phone and talking about personal issues. It seems that is where it belongs. There may be "small minds" here, but the people of all stripes are just not small minded.

To conclude this odd and awkward assessment of mine, let me say the following...

Women and men are as close to equally respecting each other, have genuine affection towards each other and are plainly more sincere, than I have seen in any part of the country. 

Californians come close by ACTING like this. But, Oregonians have actually put the concepts of mutual respect, peace-seeking, equality, and loving concern into action. I am concerned about how I will feel when I'm back among my own people in 2016. Will I be disappointed? Will I try to tell them how different it is in the Northwest? Will I myself revert to the cruder way of socializing and simply give up? I guess we'll see. Nevertheless, I HAVE been to a kind of promised land. I HAVE seen how well courteousness and genuine affection can work when put into practice. I HAVE seen the Golden Rule used as it should be. These things DO exist in America--if primarily here. It will be the meter by which I measure all the other cultures I walk through as I make my way east, back to my home state.  

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I went back to Washington Park much earlier than I had in the last few days....

Tiny roses that are very fragrant.

I was a bit bored and had two quarters - though it took me a lot of self-convincing to use them - and I wanted to see if I could utilize the telescope as a lens for my camera. This one was out of order, so I used the one next to it...

I loved this idea, but wondered who would go into this kind of business.

Not the best results...

I thought this was strange; a blue powdery substance was on these leaves. It seemed to be found only under the edges of the rose bush above them. Any ideas?

 

Type of plant?

Very fragrant rose - the strongest scent in the garden.

Catmint.

A pink-flowered tree datura and the yellow (shown in previous posts) 

I found my way into the sleeping place and left my backpack there, so that I could be free of it as I walked around. I met a girl who was taking pictures as well, and asked her what her favorite colored rose was. She said she couldn't decide and asked me which one I liked. That was easy... As the sun finally sunk away, with the dusk making the ambient light more even, I walked her over to the pink ones with the yellow in the center, now glowing at dusk. It was the perfect time to view it.

We both had a good long sniff of its perfume. She looked at me, and said, "I think this is my favorite too!" We walked around the rest of the garden together while she took pictures. I told her about my project and gave her a card. I will tell you her name, only if she leaves a comment or friends me at Facebook. I hope - but don't expect - to see here again.

The time passed quickly and she had to leave. I went to my nest and sat alone... My thoughts drifted toward my future wife and children... I should be allowed to dream, shouldn't I?