A Living Magazine - Day 18 - Hunger and the Gathering Storm

I had a nice sleep in my clean sleeping bag and clothes. I pushed the wake up time to 5:30 am, but couldn't sleep past 5:00 anyway. So, I lay around for a half hour. I was feeling much more secure about this place. I couldn't really be seen unless someone were to walk through one of the many paths around.

I'm not sure why I didn't see this before, but the source of the giant pine cones is a fairly small tree...

Big cones can come from small trees.

I packed up and headed out to the road by about 5:45. I would try to extend my daily times there (at least in the mornings) if I could. When I'm staying in one town or city for more than two nights--and not traveling, the longer I can be out of the public, the easier the day goes. Having privacy is one of my dearest longings out here. 

My stomach was rumbling and I knew there would be no relief. My mind pulled up the app labelled "Starvation Mode" and installed it into my consciousness. The hundred or so times I'd been in this situation before flashed before my inner eyes and I grabbed hold of the mind-set required to still function when I can't eat.

First thing to remember is that what we call "hunger" is primarily psychological. The brain sends a message to the stomach to complain. This is based upon the time interval between the last meal and the amount of food in that meal. If the stomach is ignored, it will give up. It is an uncomfortable first step toward managing the fact that I can't eat. The body can't control its desires. The mind must revert to shear will power to tame hunger.

In my experience, when facing a few days without food, the following pattern develops...

The stomach rumbles about three times during the first day. Ignoring it the first time makes it easier to ignore it each succeeding time. For me, this stomach rumbling may completely subside by the middle of the next day, and will not return again until food is consumed.

The second day brings on blood sugar weakness. Eating something sugary (fruit along the road, for example) can alleviate the weak feeling, but drowsiness will result shortly afterward. Since I am not actually dying, then resisting the urge to consume anything is best, but I'll gather it and save it for later in the evening. Drinking water can help immensely to reset the energy level. It initiates salts and fats to be drawn from extra fat reserves. This is the body beginning the process of consuming itself.

At night, when I'm just resting before sleep, I will take out whatever I've gathered (usually plant stuff unless I can find really fresh protein somehow). People leave and/or throw away unused, safe food all the time. This can be the evening "meal."

On the third day, the stomach doesn't growl anymore at all. Counterintuitively, the desire to eat can sometimes be satiated with smelling food or looking at it. The mind plays all kinds of tricks to get me to eat at that point. Walking around a city, hungry, at 6:00 pm is one of the hardest things I have ever done. But this is where the imagination can be very useful. If I have internet access, I will watch cooking shows on YouTube, and make schemes about how I would cook the same food if I had it. And, I imagine what each part tastes like, closing my eyes and trying to feel the sensation on my tongue.

I am very fortunate to have at least the possibility of receiving money for my writing. I have a deep faith that I will get something at some point for it, as long as I stick to working every day. The longest I've ever gone without eating - except for plants I found - is about 5 days. It always sucks. Always. Whenever I am settled temporarily in a place with friends or with a steadier income, I have to tame a growing eating disorder. Among other things, it (if uncontrolled) makes me consume as much as I can, whenever food is abundant. And, it makes me hoard and hide it, when it is less abundant. But that is the subject for another post.

I mention all of this, because it happens. I have chosen a "lifestyle" (such as it is) that, if uncompensated, requires periods of hunger, thirst, sleep deprivation, and lack of adequate shelter. I have dealt with these things for years now. They have been my training for what I am doing presently. I can survive on $5.00 day, but I can't do any traveling. 

On the other side of the scale, the most I need is about $25 a day. The majority of that goes into liquids (about $10/day). Food can be between ($5-$10/day), and I save whatever is left over for travel expenses. If I were working for a media company, I could provide what I do now, for only about $25/day. I have had jobs where I make $25/hour! It greatly mystifies me why my work is so undervalued when I don't have money, and makes me feel guilty for what I'm doing when I do have money. Obviously, I have my own psychological issues that need addressing in this way.

Ultimately, it all boils down to this: My will is stronger than my body. This will is stronger than the mind that contains it. If what I seek to do is realistic in any way. I WILL do it. I WILL. 

The hunger app securely installed, I walked on. Along the way back toward the west side of Redding, I ran into a new sign... 

 

I have quite a list building about missing creatures; humans and animals.

It was the name of the dog that caught my attention.

Another Ant Conquest

It seems there is no end to the things one can photograph...

Interesting car. Maybe an old Mini? It looks amphibian.

Old Stone House near the River Path in eastern Redding.

I like the message under the larger one.

Sharpie and other permanent ink graffiti on the concrete picnic tables.

Artistic Spheres near the River Path

River Basin

Again, I was able to get another post up at the library, despite nearly falling asleep over and over again around noon. The sky had been overcast all day. I noticed each day since I've been here that skies were cloudy and then got clear and sunny. But gradually, from day to day, there was a tighter overcast in the mornings and then the evenings. I watched thunderheads make a slow circuit around Redding, appearing in the north and then sweeping over the east, then heading out west toward the coast. They teased the city. Dark patches of rain were visible over the mountains. Lightning flashed like a random strobe light inside dense clouds.

It appeared that finally, the cloud circuit was tightening in toward the city on this day. I debated what was better; waiting out the coming rain at the library, or heading back out toward my sleep spot, so that if the rain became steady, I wouldn't have as far to walk. I'd already formulated a plan for how to deal with sleeping in the rain, and was mentally ready to erect the tent if necessary. I hadn't used the tent since sleeping off of Route 89A, north of Sedona, Arizona, back on January 1 of this year. It would be cool to see if it was still effective and whether I might be able to improve upon the process. But, I much preferred sleeping without it, and without the rain.

Just as I was about to close the laptop, I received a donation alert. It was enough to feed and water me that night and most of the next day. Just in time. Ya know, if I could somehow be convinced that such things would ALWAYS happen "just in time," I would never have the anxiety that I do over money. I guess I haven't been through enough stress and rescue yet to be assured of such things.

Near McDonald's I tried to get a video worthy of the spinning clouds above my head. A light rain had begun and I had gotten pretty damp, so I ducked in to the restaurant and had a quick meal...

Ready to Rain

Sunset After the Rain

According to my favorite online weather site (intellicast.com), this was not the majority of the storm. More was to come the next day. Realizing that the worst was over for that night, I headed east again.
I returned to the street where the sleeping place was a bit earlier than usual, with the glow of daylight still waiting to be transformed into the deep blue-black of night. I paced around, nonchalantly, doing things like looking at my watch to not catch the attention of drivers or residents as the darkness grew.

This time I had no problem at all getting to the nest. And, I was not aware of any other people around. The ground wasn't even damp. I fell asleep around 11:00 pm.