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THE PHYSICAL LAUNDRY LIST
I've told the story a few times now about my heart attack on February 28, 2006. I'm not going to go back over it all, since it can be found by Googling. In essence - and after hindsight-years of contemplating why it happened - I can say that the stress of working for an organization with practices I found lacking integrity, was the initial cause. I refused to stab my co-workers in the back. So the boss made my life there a hell.
It wasn't diet or bad habits. I'm not saying that my diet was very good, nor that I didn't have bad or unhealthy habits. What I am saying is that the heart attack itself was entirely due to the stress of working at something that made me feel like a hypocrite. Diet and habits only clicked in the last digit of the time bomb. I was taken to Maine Medical Center in Portland.
And, immediately, the decision was made by the cardiologist in charge to put a stent in my right coronary artery.
Again, in hindsight, this was not necessary. Angioplasty alone (clearing the artery, without the insertion of a stent) would have taken care of the problem. And, knowing what an impact almost dying has had upon my outlook on life, I would have changed my situation just as surely in that alternate timeline as I have in this timeline, in order to reduce the stress. The problem now is that I am stuck with a stent that will very likely clog again. Essentially they gave me heart disease.
A stent brings in $80,000 from insurance, whereas angio surgery is probably a mere $6,000. I was given fifteen years before the clogging would happen again. I believe it is probable that I will not see the year 2021. However, I hope to and plan to live as long after that as possible.
Now, I know that statistics are broad; that having one stent is not a comparatively big deal. Some people have three. However, I was only 38 when this happened. At that time there were no statistics for how long people might or might not live if given this procedure at such a young age. A potential life span of another forty or so years should be possible - or not - they just didn't know back then.
To state this another way, there were no studies showing what happened to a stent implant after forty years, because the procedure was still relatively new, and the population of stent recipients ages averaged seventy years old.
Before leaving Maine, I'd conquered PTSD nightmares about having heart attacks (with lucid dreaming techniques), when all the doctor would do is prescribe Ambien, which I then stop taking.
I'd been on every kind of statin (always depending on what my work insurance would cover or not cover--going through six months of no coverage at a new job, because of having "an existing condition.") But when I resumed taking them, I ended up having a severe and adverse reaction. They made my toes and extremities numb, then the tip of my nose, then I began to lose my ability to taste. I decided on my own to stop taking them against the orders of my doctor and solved the problem within two weeks.
I was told that I should not walk more than two miles a day, but worked my way up to an average of five, occasionally doing ten, fifteen, and then even twenty. I had lost 6% of my heart muscle in the attack, but have strengthen my heart by at least that much with long distance walking. Will it go into the medical journals? Not a friggin chance.
I took beta blockers, but under hard physical work (like walking), my heart would not pump fast enough to oxygenate my blood. So, I threw them away and that solved that problem.
I left Maine - coincidentally after Governor LePage cut off all single men who were below poverty level from MaineCare (Maine's version of Medicaid), because he was making a political protest against Obamacare - with the last of my blood pressure medication (Metoprolol) and a bottle of generic enteric aspirin. When the blood pressure medication ran out, my doctor who had promised to keep my prescription flowing for the rest of my life, refused to refill it, because I was in Arkansas and not able to make a nurse's visit for a cuff reading in Maine. It was one of the few medications that actually helped--now gone.
Because I had very little money, I stopped buying the aspirin too. Money has always been the issue. But I'd rather have been able to eat for the energy needed in walking, than not eat and take an aspirin every day. My body adjusted.
I have been unmedicated for the last twelve months and, with the exception of a couple of bouts with mild angina when very seriously stressed, have had no heart problems at all. I take a legal nonprescription supplement (a nootropic) for anxiety, energy and sleep. I won't reveal the name now, because the public is still very ignorant about this particular substance. It has done amazing things for me and I plan to write up its benefits when I return to Maine.
Lyme Disease
I was bitten by a deer tick in 2013 and contracted lyme disease. But I caught it right away, took twenty one days worth of antibiotics and was declared free of the disease a month later. And, yes, it is possible to completely eliminate it from the system. Don't let other folks who didn't catch it as early as I did try to scare you.
Generalized Anxiety
I was diagnosed with "General Anxiety" and heavily prodded to start taking SSRI's. I chose not to, because I understand the importance of balanced serotonin levels in the brain. I told the nurse I wasn't going to fuck with my serotonin. She got the message. It would turn out that I did not have a "brain chemical imbalance" I was just stressed out in the living situation of North Saco (described here). Walking away from it, facing and killing my fears on the Manifest Destiny Journey, completely cured my anxiety for good. No psychiatric meds needed. Some people do need them and should take them. But that they are chosen as a first resort is medically irresponsible and dangerous. The "worried well" end up taking them to fit into the insanity of the modern world, and can not get off of them without going through withdrawal.
Another thing not to be deceived by: modern science does not fully understand the neuroreceptor regions, nor the efficiency and subtle chemical changes in neurotransmitters well enough to safely blanket all of America with these drugs. There are frequently solutions that require one thing (like lifestyle changes) that will cure depression and anxiety. But, why would the pharmaceutical industry ever want that? Taking something that you must continue buying every month forever has made them the most profitable industry in the world - something above energy and retail combined. Think. Don't let others do your heavy intellectual lifting for you. They are playing with your life. You should be the only one allowed to do that. My opinion.
Convention Drugging as a Solution?
If you want to know why I distrust the medical system and their reliance upon pharmaceuticals as the answer for everything that ails ya, simply reread the above sections. It seems we don't believe that we need not all be medicated, because no one dares to learn on their own what is truly needed or not. If you do go out on that limb, you are laughed at or cut off from your doctor. Your friends and family will not trust your judgement.
Some people truly do need certain medications. But a careful examination of many sources, mostly your own intuition, will serve you better than the best medical experts in the country. We are told that doctors are like gods. They aren't. Some will use you. When mistakes are made, they rationalize the results as being simply more information about what works and doesn't--more stats; more ways to avoid malpractice suits. Ultimately, every one of us in this country are kept ignorant because of money.
Umbilical Hernia
For the last decade or so I have had an umbilical hernia. I could have had surgery to fix it before leaving Maine, until the Governor made his ideological decision described above. During my Journeying, I have had a few big problems with this. In particular, the hike from Portland, Oregon to VanCouver, Washington, and then my long night's walk through New Orleans were quite bad in this regard. It is a painful condition that is infrequent, but when it occurs virtually defeats me. It is the one thing that I - even with a will of steel - cannot completely overcome. Most of the time I am very careful not to get into a lifting situation which strains my stomach muscles.
Obviously, this can be dicey, since my job is to haul around fifty pounds of stuff everyday. One generous donor offered to try to buy me the surgery, but we both agreed it was unrealistic, since it costs in the neighborhood of $10,000 and would lay me up for four to six weeks. The only thing I can do, until I can afford healthcare (I don't make enough as a Maine citizen--thanks again to our governor, to qualify for an affordable plan) is to be cautious. Regarding insurance: My minimum monthly payment would be $465 under Obamacare--because, again, of the Maine governor. So, I'm going to face a bunch of fines when I return to Maine. I can only pray that my career has overcome the "begging for money thing" by then.
Uveitis or Iritis
This condition leaves me with slightly red eyes all the time. People joke and ask if I'm stoned, or say I look sad. There is nothing I can do about this auto-immune disease on an everyday basis. When I was under the stress of being a banker or working as a bankruptcy specialist, or whenever family stress became intolerable, my left eye (usually not the right) would flare up, feeling like a knitting needle was being poked into it, and my vision would blur. The blur came from white blood cells being pumped just under my cornea. There is no cure. I have not had many problems with this on these Journeys. I will explain my hypothesis for why in the last section. Keen readers will begin to see that all of these things are related in more ways than one.
Psoriasis
I used to have issues with this. Since doing these Journey projects they are all but gone. More evidence for my hypothesis to below.
Accessory Navicular
Now, for what I mentioned as a possible issue with my left foot at the top of the page. An accessory navicular is an extra bone in the ankle. It looks like a second ankle bone. For the most part, the right fitting shoes will keep this sucker from causing problems. It has amazed me, with my unsupportive boots and now my twenty mile a day walks in new shoes, that this has not yet become a problem. Technically, overwalking can begin the affliction. But also certain stresses from other parts of the foot can also trigger problems. Only twice in my life have I succumbed to the very disabling pain. Once was when I twisted my ankle in early 2013. The next was from wearing shoes that were tight against the navicular later in 2013.
But lately with this new left heel pain, I've felt tinges of aching in that area. It is something I need to be extremely careful about. If the pain comes on full-blown, I will not be able to walk AT ALL. And, I will need to recuperate, perhaps for a few weeks. That means no stories, no blog, no money - and most likely, the end of my project. Despite seeming like a simple and non-life threatening and/or unlikely scenario, it is something that would be terrible on many levels.
Common Denominators
This is a hypothesis that has been developing for many years. I have not yet encountered any new ideas that contradict it, and am being convinced now that it is real, as well as realistic.
As I have mentioned on several occasions here, there have been times of extreme psychological stress in my personal history. I know many people who have experienced much harder situations. When it comes to unfortunate circumstances I would consider mine to be average.
The problem - if indeed it is a problem - exists within the power of my mind. The heart problems were due to internalizing my exterior stress. But I had the psoriasis and the uveitis for many years before the heart attack. They are both autoimmune disorders. In the case of psoriasis there is ample evidence to show that it is often psychosomatic in origin (as are many skin diseases).
In the case of uveitis, my body thinks I'm sick when I'm not, and overproduces white blood cells to compensate. The most obvious way to observe this is by examining the clarity of the aqueous humor (the fluid between the cornea and the iris). Around the inside of the iris (hence the alternate name "iritis") are small tubes that are able to pump fluid in and out of that area. When the body produces extra white blood cells and they have nothing to attack, they build up and the excess can be (in my case) pumped into the aqueous humor, creating pressure and blurring within the eye. This pressure builds to the point where damage can begin to occur. There is a risk of developing glaucoma, or similar conditions that can lead to blindness.
When I had bad flare-ups I was prescribed prednisolone acetate (a corticosteroid). In combination, prednisolone and cyclogyl (a drop for pupil dilation), the flare-up would immediately begin to feel better. Within a week the redness would subside, along with the pain from pressure. The cyclogyl served two purposes. The first was pain relief, since the iris would relax--that is what pupil dilation is. And secondly, this relaxation of the iris, which is itself a muscle, would squish the little fluid tubes closed, keeping the white cells from entering the aqueous humor. The problem with steroid drops - which were meant to shock the eye into a mode of anti inflammation - is that, used too often, they themselves can cause glaucoma.
It was obvious that stress had caused me to develop these two conditions (psoriasis and uveitis). And, as I said, the heart issues were also due to stress. In fact, these three things can be commonly found together.
The generalized anxiety manifested itself as social anxiety. Very frankly, I didn't want to be around most people, because I felt that they were fake; buying into everything that they were told by "experts", politicians, ministers, priests, pop-scientists, superstitions, peer-pressuring friends and Aunt Velma's old wives tales. I lived in a world - so I thought - that was encased in an immovably thick varnish of synthetic delusion. It certainly wasn't going to change for me. And, I would never give into it. That didn't leave much of a choice. My subconscious mind decided to use my body to attack itself, in a futile attempt to shut me down. Skin and eyes weren't succeeding--after I found way to treat them. So, of course, the next and most obvious organ to really bring things down, was the heart.
It almost succeeded, and I was a willing accomplice. Having gone through suicidal tendencies for three decades, this seemed like a way of wiggling out of the responsibility of just jumping off a bridge by own my direct choice. All of this has been discussed in the blog. I'll leave it up to the reader to find relevant passages if he/she is further interested.
To sum up, we have the psychological and mind components at play--more like at work.
Being on these Journeys has sent the heart, skin and eye issues into remission. I no longer feel like a hypocrite. I truly believe in what I'm doing; even with the stressors of uncertain human contact, tight travel schedules, tenuous sleeping, no money much of the time, etc... But the physical components that used to be caused by similar stress were not to be found anymore.
Now I am left with the non-psychosomatic stuff. The hernia and foot issues are really all that I've had to deal with while traveling. Therefore, the important thing is - assuming the psychological part is truly taken care of - to not let these other things worsen. We will see if i can do this. I'm so close to finishing this great adventure, that I think I can do it.
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There isn't much more to say about this day. It was just another in the restful week between the periods of long distance travel. And, a very welcome one at that!
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