A Living Magazine - Day 264 - Homecoming - Durham: A Rough One

We walked hand in hand through a forest at night. I wasn't even thinking about camping--for once! It was summer; a dry, warm, moon drenched path. We were at the Wolfe's Neck Stone House property; here, shown in the daytime...

My favorite house in America.

Photo: Portland Press Herald.

We just walked and talked. I had the strangest feeling that this was a place we came to frequently during the nights. It was as if we were not able to see each other during the day. We used this time to catch up and continue conversations from the last night. Although it was quite romantic, there was a strong sensation of real companionship. Aria was back in touch with me; even if it was only my subconscious mind creating a scenario to help me resolve long-past issues. For these night sessions I could imagine that we were a team again...

* * * * * * *

A dog barked in the distance and I awoke to a truck accelerating loudly right next to my sleep spot. All the thinking - overthinking - from the night before seemed to have been balanced out by my dream time with Aria. It never ceases to fascinate me, how my mind will stabilize itself--preventing me from tipping too far to one side or the other. 

Still, it was a disappointment to be back in the waking world again. I didn't feel dread about it, but more like I used to feel when I didn't want to go to work. That was exactly it. I had work to do, and I did want to do it. Then, I felt a strange energy travel into my body, I think it was from the Spark. I got the "if you get going, you'll feel better" reassurance. So, I sat up and began the packing process. Lately, that has included tapping on all sides of the tent to dislodge all the little critters who have made their way under the rain fly, and either couldn't figure out how to get down again, or wanted to make it a new home.

In short order I was on the road on my commute into town; the second full day in Durham. I took a series of short video clips during the day (compiled as a video near the end of this post)...

Is this even punitive in any way? Throw a mattress out of your truck for $50.

Almost seemed like an invitation.

Loved these signs! Unruhe, the invisible School Board Member.

Today the library didn't open until 2:00 p.m., so I looked for another place to work. I went to McDonald's for the early part of the morning, but was running low on battery power and left to find another place. I really could have used a Starbucks or a clone of Starbucks, complete with high speed Wi-Fi and AC outlets. There were some places around, but I discovered that the prices were a bit over my head. One cafe (can't remember the name) had a $3 small coffee and Wi-Fi, but no outlets. I ended up just going back to Roxboro and sitting on a small wall to wait the two hours out...

Interesting.

Panorama from my sitting spot.

There were no signs prohibiting my loitering. Actually, the whole time I was in the downtown area I only saw one street guy, pushing a shopping cart. They always have a slow walk, and (literally and figuratively) a downcast look. There is no reason to walk quickly if you have nowhere to go.

I felt okay about everything until I got into the library and checked my email. My sister had sent me a note saying she and my dad were with my uncle who is dying of cancer, for a "farewell party." She asked if I might want to send a video in lieu of being there. I just felt terrible. He is such a great guy. A light-hearted and highly intelligent man. I admired him greatly. And, though I didn't get to spend much time with him in recent years, I thought about him quite a bit. He was inspirational to me musically, science and math-wise, and in social philosophy. He had a great sense of humor.

I went back outside and made a short video to tell how I felt, then inside again to upload it and send it to my sister. Unfortunately, the Wi-Fi kept cutting out and was so slow that it took about an hour to upload one, three minute video. 

I finally sent a link to it, but by that time they had left for Maine. So, I'd missed out on participating. Very frankly I was not overjoyed that no one had alerted me to this event until it was already happening though they all knew ahead of time. If I had known earlier, I might have been able to get the video to them while they were still there. 

I began to get so frustrated, depressed and angry that I really had a hard time working. I did get a post done, but it was short. I hadn't had many reads on the very lengthy post from the day before, and this made me even more disheartened. When all you have to show for your hard work is half of what you expected, it does not bode well toward working as hard the next day. So, a short post was my only answer. 

My feelings about everything were really changing now. I was acutely aware that this must be due to some kind of spiritual growing pain. But, in short, it was the pain that I noticed so much more strongly than the growing. 

I left and continued to make my short video clips, right up and into the sleep spot. Once there, I made some commentary about what I was going through, and I think it is important for the reader to watch through to the end, despite how personal these thoughts were. I was going to publish this in the next post (because it was not fully produced until the next day), but I've decided it belongs to this day, as it sums up my lagging and somewhat jaded attitude and negative disposition... 

I feel I should apologize to the reader for writing such downer and rantish posts lately. I'm positive that they will turn around, but - as I have been since the very beginning of this Journeying - I am trying to be as truthful about the way that I am thinking as I can. To put a spin on everything just to keep spirits high would be disingenuous and historically inaccurate. So, we take the bad with the good I guess. Stick with me though. We still have just over a hundred posts to go, and much is going to occur to keep all of this interesting for me and for you.

After my quiet video diatribe I setup the tent and went to sleep--again, enjoying the disembodied company of Aria throughout the night.